Myths and misunderstandings about online grooming

There are many myths and misunderstandings about online grooming. Here are some of the more common myths…

Myth! - It is only the disobedient or sexually forward kids who get groomed online.

Every child (and indeed adult) has an emotional vulnerability that can be exploited if it is accessed by someone with the skills and motivations to manipulate the vulnerability. However, vulnerable children are more often selected as victims. They are soft targets as they are in a position where they are often more receptive to the advances of the groomer. Perhaps they are lonely or feel neglected (groomers often hunt for children and young people who are frequently alone, and may have parents who spend a lot of time away). Some target those who are vulnerable because they have little sense of actual danger, or are very caring and compassionate children who are keen to ‘help’ a person in need..

Myth! - Groomers are always adults posing as children and teenagers.

Although many groomers do pretend to be younger or of a different gender, research suggests that the majority do not lie at all about themselves and what their intentions are, that is to be sexual with a child (sexually abuse them). It might come as a surprise that these overt groomers still manage to find quite a number of victims online to abuse. In addition, sometimes younger people can groom victims who are younger than themselves, are around their own age, or are even older that they are.

Myth! - People with pictures of themselves on profiles and in personal adverts are more trustworthy.

 Many people who groom online use photos (pics) of other people they have taken from other places on the Internet.

Myth! - It is not really abuse unless the groomer meets the victim and abuses them in person.

Many online groomers never meet their victims in person. Groomers can have cybersex with their victims, and also expose them to inappropriate and illegal pictures, movies, websites, stories, messages and texts. They can also manipulate their victims to send pics and videos of themselves from their computers, web-cams, and mobile phones, and to perform sexual acts.

Myth! - Groomers act in sleazy, rude and offensive ways online, and are therefore easy to identify.

 As with offline sexual abuse, groomers initially tend to be very friendly, charming and understanding to their victims. Many victims report feelings of loss and grief when they are no longer in contact with the groomer, as often the groomer has presented as a very nice and caring person.

Myth! - Groomers are always strangers

As with offline sexual abuse, in many cases the groomer and the victim know each other. Sometimes victims are groomed online by people within their own family.

Myth! - Grooming is always a conscious and deliberate process

In some cases, people with a sexual interest in children are not aware of their grooming behaviours. They might incorrectly believe that they are just being friendly and concerned, or that it is ‘normal’ behaviour. People who suspect or realise that they are grooming should stop such behaviour straight away and find help for their problem. Click here for a link to SAFE, a treatment program provider.