What to do if you suspect that someone is trying to groom a child you know
If you are the child’s parent or caregiver
- Try to establish the nature of the relationship. You might ask questions as to what the suspected groomer is asking and saying, how old they are, if they have sent gifts etc. Remember that a common grooming technique is to prepare the child to avoid your investigations, and sometimes to ‘turn against you’.
- Remember that it is important that you separate any anger that you might have with the situation (i.e. the grooming) from your interactions with your child. Children can sometimes misinterpret your anger or disgust as being their fault, and as having ‘done something wrong’. As this can be a difficult situation for any parent or caregiver, it might be a good idea to contact some support (e.g. NetSafe) to discuss your situation freely, away from your child.
- Shield and protect the child from any further grooming. This might mean that you have to intercede and end the conversation for the child. Bear in mind that the child might be resistant to this, and needs to know that they are not being punished for doing something wrong, rather they are being protected.
- Try to preserve any evidence that you might have of the grooming behaviours. For example, try and get a hard copy of the conversation, phone records, packaging from posted gifts etc.
- Do NOT try to discipline or catch the groomer yourself. This should only be done by the police or communications providers. Despite your best intentions, you might actually make it more difficult for a groomer to be brought to justice or to receive help if you interfere.
- Contact the service provider (e.g. the Internet Service Provider, the mobile phone company, or web-based email provider) and let them know of your concerns.
- Contact other parents you know who might have children in the same situation. Contacting the school might also help in advising other potential victims. The school can also help by addressing cybersafety issues for all their students.
- Contact NetSafe to get information about the potential for reporting the situation to police. Some grooming activities are chargeable offences.
- Contact NetSafe toll-free on 0508 638 723
Remember, if you feel that anyone is in physical danger, or has been threatened with physical violence, call the police as soon as possible.
If you are someone other than the child’s parent or caregiver.
If you are not the child’s parent or caregiver (e.g. a friend), remember to take it seriously. It is safer to err on the side of caution. How you should act will depend on how you are associated with the child in question (teacher, family member, counsellor etc). Call NetSafe toll-free on 0508 638 723 , or email for advice and direction on what you can do.
Remember, if you feel that anyone is in danger, or has been threatened with physical or sexual violence, call the police as soon as possible.
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