What to do if you think you might be grooming online
If you are engaging in grooming behaviours online (or offline) that are inappropriate or even illegal, it is important that you (1) stop the behaviour straight away, and (2) get some help from professionally trained people who can assess your problem and recommend treatment options for you.
If you think you are grooming a child, you can contact SAFE (by clicking here) or NetSafe (by clicking here) for more information about how and where to get help, and what you should do.
The following are a list of ‘clues’ that you might have a problem with online grooming and need to get yourself some professional help and support. Choose the list that is appropriate for your age group – over or under 16 years of age.
If you are over 16
Have you ever…
- Engaged in an online conversation with a person who is under 16 years of age, that was romantic, sexual, kinky, flirty, abusive or sexually demanding?
- Engaged in a conversation with a person who is under 16 years of age with the idea, fantasy, or dream of having a relationship with them (even if it is to be years later when they are older)?
- Spoken (texted or typed) about personal, adult, sexual or relationship issues with a person who is under 16
- Asked for information about a person under 16’s sexual development, sexual experiences, preferences, romantic life, boyfriends/girlfriends or whether they have been sexually, emotionally or physically abused
- Tried to find out more intimate details about a person under 16, such as what they look like, where they live, their family, hobbies etc
- Had feelings of guilt, uncertainty, concern about your interactions with people under 16 online?
- Asked a person under 16 to do sexual, kinky, romantic, or flirty things.
- Asked a person under 16 to send you sexual discussions or images (pics or videos) by email, cam, text, SMS, post, in person etc?
- Sent a person under 16 kinky, romantic, or flirty things by email, cam, text, SMS, post, in person etc?
- Tried to arrange an offline (live) meeting with a person under 16
- Sent a person under 16 legal, age-restricted or illegal pornography
- Requested that a person under 16 send you sexual images of themselves or others, or perform sexual acts on camera
If you are under 16
Grooming by those under 16 is a very complex issue. Being a teenager can be a very confusing time. If you have been sexually demanding or abusive with others online, especially if they are much younger than you are, you should stop this behaviour straight away and find some information and help. If you are concerned that you might be acting inappropriately (maybe you feel like you are being rude or obscene, or feel guilty that you have gone ‘too far’) you should check out such behaviour with a trusted adult, or school guidance counsellor. This will help you know what is ok or not ok, and can get you some help if you need it. If you have doubts, feel guilty or confused about your behaviour, you can also call NetSafe for more information and answers.
By getting help for yourself, you are being a very responsible person, and are showing that you care about the welfare of others.
For more information either call NetSafe toll-free on 0508 638 723 or email queries@netsafe.org.nz
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