Helping children exposed to upsetting content online
As an adult you have probably encountered content online which you found unpleasant, upsetting, or which made you angry or uncomfortable. Someone may have even shown you something which they found funny, and you found disturbing.
Young people are accessing the internet at increasingly earlier ages, and it’s important to discuss and develop strategies with them to deal with possible exposure to upsetting material. Filtering software can help to prevent some exposure, but it is far from fool-proof, and may not cover all the other places where young people have access to the internet (such as a friend’s house, a library or an internet cafe).
What might young people encounter?
Along with many positive things, young people may encounter some things online which could have a negative effect. This material might include:
- Scary text, e.g., a chain letter which threatens harm if not forwarded on
- Scary images, e.g., an image or clip from a horror movie or intense news image
- Images of violence, e.g., a picture or clip of someone being shot or beaten
- Sexual images or text, e.g., pornography
- Hateful content, e.g., racist material
- Illegal material, e.g., child sexual abuse material, age restricted material, bestiality, necrophilia, extreme violence etc.
How might they encounter it?
Young people are often curious about some of the above content, but it is also easy for them to come across these things accidentally, or against their will. A friend may forward a chain letter, an older sibling might show them an image, they might follow a link in the history of a web-browser or a link that is designed to look innocent but actually hosts harmful material.
Dealing with exposure
When we feel shocked or frightened, our bodies can unconsciously respond with increased adrenalin levels, accelerated heart and lung functions, and other physiological reactions. How children experience upsetting online content and how they express their distress also depends on the child’s age and level of development. Young people will react individually, but exposure to the types of content discussed can be traumatic, and may result in confusion, adverse physical and/or psychological effects, e.g., withdrawal, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, aggression. Young people may also act blase at the time, or not understand what they have seen until a later stage in their development when the effects may surface. If an adult in the child’s life strongly reacts to hearing about the child’s exposure, the child’s negative response may mimic the anxiety and concern of their caregiver(s) even when the young child doesn’t understand the material.
If a young person is displaying symptoms of trauma after being exposed to something online, it’s important to deal with the trauma first, before trying to discuss the content in any depth. It’s also important to remember that children can and do recover from exposure to upsetting online content with the support of caring adults.
To find out more about specific traumatic reactions of children you can check out the American The National Child Traumatic Stress Network guidelines for parents.
Tips for caregivers
Do:
- Take it seriously.
- Try not to assign blame to anyone regarding how they came across the material
- Reassure them that it isn’t their fault
- Provide comfort and assurance
- Normalise their response, e.g., ‘It’s normal to be scared / angry / upset/confused’.
- Make sure that they know you are glad that they came to you about it.
- If intense feelings or behaviours persist, seek out professional help for your child.
Don’t:
- Trivialise it by saying that the material may not be real; (it is important to deal with their feelings first).
- Over-react by taking away the technology. This will make them less likely to come to you if something goes wrong in the future, and can make them feel like they are to blame.
After the event
Once the young person is not feeling so upset, it can be helpful to provide context for what they have seen so that they can understand how the material was made, whether it was real, how the material fits with your family’s values, as well as giving the young person a chance to ask questions. You might like to start by discussing the content of what was viewed, whether it was real or not and how it may have been accessed. This discussion is important even if their attitude is one of ‘no big deal’ at the time.
Real content
Some of the material online which may upset a young person will be real, e.g., pornography or hate-sites, and some may even be illegal, e.g., images of child sexual abuse. Contextualising this for the young person can help them to understand that people use the internet for many different reasons, and sometimes it can be for criminal or antisocial purposes. How you explain this would need to fit in with the specific values of your family and the age/developmental level of your child.
If you do encounter illegal content, you may be able to report it. You can read more information on where to report illegal content on our website:
http://netsafe.org.nz/legal/legal_default.aspx
If you do encounter anything illegal, it is important that you do not show it or send it to anyone else, as this could be classed as distribution, which is illegal in NZ.
Fake content
It may be helpful to talk with the young person about the validity of the information. You can explain that some content found online may not be real, and that photos can be altered and stories made up. It might be helpful to show them how material can be altered by using your own technology so that they have an understanding that what they have seen online may not be real. Acknowledge that even though something is made up, we can still feel upset (you might like to use a movie they have seen as an example). It is important to acknowledge the young person’s experience and validate their feelings.
Prevention
You can explore some strategies to minimise future risk, like installing the Hector Safety Button™, talking with your family about how to deal with some of the online risks (like not opening attachments from unknown sources), and encouraging young people to discuss disturbing content with a trusted adult.
What can I do now?
Keeping an open line of communication with young people about their online lives is important. When you talk with them about their school, friends etc., remember to ask about their online lives and friends too.
If you would like some information about talking with your child about their online life, you might like to take a look at the article ‘Of Digital-Birds and Cyber-Bees’.
Depending on their age and developmental level, you can use the Hector’s World™ resources with your child including:
Click here to find out more about how you can use Hector’s World™ resources in your home.
While there is a place in young peoples’ lives for filtering tools, it pays to remember that they will want their freedom and privacy as they develop, and it is quite easy to get around filtering or to use a computer (or mobile phone) away from home. Staying up to date yourself with the online environment, and talking with your child about their experiences from the first time they go online, can be helpful in keeping the lines of communication open so that they come to you when something disturbs them.
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