Conversation starters for tweens

We know that regular conversations at home help to minimise the harm if things go wrong online. Research shows that parents are critical to the success of tamariki becoming safe, confident and capable in their use of use digital technology. So we’ve put together some ideas to help start a korero about online safety with tweens aged between 10 – 13 or those in intermediate school.

HOW TO START TALKING TO TWEENS ABOUT ONLINE SAFETY

When you’re talking to your child about what they do offline, it’s a good time to talk about their online activities too. They are probably watching you interact online or doing things at school already, so start talking as often as you can. When you are about to post a photo, ask them where they think it will go and who will be able to see it.

Young people talk to people they trust and those who understand them and their experiences. For intermediate aged children this is most likely to be parents, families and whanau, but there is a growing reliance on their friends as they get older. Knowing what to ask, when to ask or how to ask can be tricky, so we have a few suggestions below:

Location, location, location: When starting a conversation, think about where you are and what’s happening around you. Look for a time when they aren’t going to be distracted
Keep it natural: In the car on the way home from school or informally across the table is likely to work better than when they have friends over. The best conversations happen when they naturally arises or as part of other conversations
Ask open-ended questions: Try to use questions which encourage conversation rather than ones which ask for yes or no answers. You find out a lot more from a “tell me about…” type question that
Lead with a request: Starting the conversation with a request for help about a platform or app can show your child that you want to learn about their knowledge which may lead to great engagement in further conversations.
Reserve judgement: Listen and focus on what your child is saying, no matter how hard this might be. Showing an interest in what they are doing makes it easier to have more difficult conversations if a challenge arises later on. This conversation is about gaining their trust, letting them know you are listening and giving them a clear sign that you are there for them. If your child fears you’ll over-react (or freak-out), they will stop talking to you and look for answers in other places and with other people.

The approach you take will be different depending on the age and stage of your child – and what you feel comfortable discussing.

ONLINE SAFETY CONVERSATION STARTERS FOR TWEENS

Use your judgement to choose the topics that are most relevant to your child.

Privacy & personal information

What are some things you shouldn’t share online?
What is the difference between ‘public’ and ‘private’ posts or groups?
What do you know about privacy settings? Why do you think they are important?
What would you do if you were asked for information that you didn’t think was safe to share?

Read more at online privacy and digital footprints.

Managing time online

How do you spend your time online?
How would you tell if you were spending too much time online? What could you try if you wanted to spend less time online?
How do you feel when you have to turn off your game or activity online?
What apps/ platforms or games do you use most often? Why?

FAQs

What happens if my child asks me a question I can’t answer? You don’t have to have the answer. Saying “Where do you think we could find out the answer?” is a great way to explore together.

How do I know if a website, platform or game is safe for my child to use? Most social media platforms have a minimum age limit of 13+ so check terms and conditions carefully before letting your tamariki use something. Talk to other parents and lean on their experience and knowledge, search netsafe.org.nz or have a look yourself. Download the app and use it – you will work out very quickly if you want your child engaging with.

ONLINE SAFETY PARENT TOOLKIT

You’re currently within the ‘Learn’ section of our Online Safety Parent Toolkit where we encourage you to find out what your child’s virtual world looks like.

This is the second step in our seven step framework designed to help parents and whānau with digital parenting in a rapidly changing world. We recommend reading through each step of the Toolkit as this will guide you on how to support your child to confidently access digital opportunities and reduce online harm.

CONTACT NETSAFE

If you’re concerned about the immediate safety of you or someone else, please call 111. If you want help or expert incident advice, you can contact us. Our service is free, non-judgemental and available seven days a week.