Relationships can be intense and sometimes it can be hard to know whether things that your partner is doing are normal. Here’s some things that are never okay:
- your partner messaging mean things to you.
- being threatened with harm or embarrassment.
- your partner reading your private texts or emails without your consent.
- being spied on or monitored on digital devices.
- expecting a partner to check in constantly (this could be via text or social media).
- your partner sharing intimate images of you without your consent.
If any of these things are happening to you and you need support you can contact Shine on 0508 744 633. If someone has shared an intimate or nude image or video of you without your consent you should contact Netsafe for help on 0508 NETSAFE or by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org. If you or someone else is in immediate danger dial 111 to speak to the police.
If you think a friend is getting involved in an unhealthy relationship, talk with them about it. Tell them your concerns and let them know that you’re there to support them. Shine and other domestic or family violence organisations can provide support and advice on how to talk to a friend if you are concerned about their safety.
If you are thinking about sending nudes to someone here are a few things that might be worth thinking about:
Was it your idea?
It’s not okay to be pressured to send nudes. If you feel uncomfortable sharing a picture of yourself, choose a way to express yourself that won’t put you at risk of overexposure.
Where could it end up?
As soon as you send an image it becomes more difficult to control where it ends up. These days it’s easy for people to share and spread images online. Remember – someone sharing nudes images of you without your consent is never your fault, but it’s important to think about the risks before you hit ‘send’.
If things don’t work out, it’s important to think about what your ex has access to and what you need to update and change to keep yourself safe.
Change your passwords
It’s not uncommon for people to share their passwords or other security information with their partner. If you break up it’s important to think about whether your ex has access to any of your accounts. It’s a good idea to change the passwords and security questions to all of your accounts, just to be safe.
If you’ve gone through a break-up make sure you check your privacy settings and make sure they are up to date. It’s important you know who you are sharing your information with online so you can keep yourself safe.
A lot of apps allow people to share their location with friends and family. Make sure you’re not still sharing this information with your ex. Examples of some apps that may be sharing your location include Snap Map, Nearby Friends on Facebook, Find my iPhone and location sharing on Apple and Android devices.
If you’ve shared nude images with your ex it might be a good idea to contact them and ask them to delete them. For more information on what you can do if you are worried about a nude you’ve shared you can read our ‘So You Got Naked Online‘ guide.
Other agencies that can help:
Police – Call 111.
If you or someone you know are at risk of imminent danger or a crime is being committed contact 111 immediately for help.
Shine – 0508 744 633
A free helpline to provide support to people who have been victims of family violence.
Women’s Refuge – 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843
A free support service to people who have been victims of domestic or family violence.
Netsafe – Call 0508 NETSAFE (0508 638 723), email email@example.com or report online
Netsafe can provide help and support with online challenges including online bullying, harassment and abuse.
Help (Auckland) – 09 623 1700 or firstname.lastname@example.org
A free 24 hour helpline to support victims of sexual assault.
Youthline – Call 0800 376 633, Free TXT 234 or email email@example.com
Youthline provides a free counselling service for young people.
Lifeline Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 TAUTOKO (0508 828 865)
A free 24 hour suicide crisis helpline operated by trained counsellors.
Need to Talk – Free text or call 1737
A free 24 hour call or text help line operated by trained counsellors.